I found an old box of pictures the other night under our basement stairs. I find a lot of joy in sorting and looking back on old pictures. I believe Kevin told me that I had a ridiculous looking smile across my face as I was admiring each photo. I didn't really care and soon after, my brother Derek joined me in the sorting of the pictures. Let me just say that there was a lot of laughing at our sometimes horrendous outfits and haircuts and lots of the "remember when that happened..." kind of comments. Here were a couple of the pictures I found that just made me smile.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Seeking Contentment through Lent
I'm not sure what comes to your mind when one hears the word "fasting". Initially, the first thoughts that cross my mind are: No Food and lots of Praying! Lent is right around the corner and it is often a time of fasting for many people, whether it be fasting from a certain food, beverage, caffeine, computer, video games, etc. The list goes on.
For the past week or so I have been contemplating what I am going to "give up" for lent in order to spend that time in prayer with God. The normal list of foods and coffees and computer were all possibilities up until Saturday. We had a great sermon at church and it drastically changed my thought process on lent. My previous list were all things that I could probably do without for 40 days (well, except for maybe coffee), but would I really use that time in prayer with Jesus? If I'm being honest, the answer is probably not. I would love to be able to say that everytime I had a craving for a cup of coffee, I would drop what I was doing and spend time with Jesus. If only it were that easy.
So, Saturday's sermon got me thinking. What in my life is preventing me from seeing and being with Jesus? What in my life is keeping me from being content with Jesus? Upon some time of reflection, I realized that the answer to my questions was all wrapped up in my wanting to be in control in my life. I want a plan. I want a routine, a time line. Fortunately, God does not work according to our schedules and time lines. I struggle with wanting to be in control being in control - or lack thereof. I have a plan in my head as to how I want my life to look, but when I sit down and examine the way my life has actually turned out, I realize that there were a few more twists, turns and detours that have led me in a completely different direction then what I had imagined. Looking back, I must admit that those detours have been for the better - incredible things have resulted. I am guilty of focusing too much of my time on the future rather then in the present moment. The "if only" game plays on and on in my head and I fail to see the joys and the delight in right now.
So, for lent this year, I am not giving up a food or anything materialistic. Instead I am relinquishing my control over the things in my life to God. I am fasting from control. I have a hunch that this will be a daily choice (probably numerous times a day) this lent season, but I think God will understand. My heart so badly desires to be content with who God has made me to be and the things He has planned for my life, and so I am praying that Lent will bring a new joy, a deeper connection with the Spirit and an overwhelming peace to my life. My hope is that this does not end with Easter, but that this lent season would truly be transforming in my life so that it would carry on through the rest of the year.
For the past week or so I have been contemplating what I am going to "give up" for lent in order to spend that time in prayer with God. The normal list of foods and coffees and computer were all possibilities up until Saturday. We had a great sermon at church and it drastically changed my thought process on lent. My previous list were all things that I could probably do without for 40 days (well, except for maybe coffee), but would I really use that time in prayer with Jesus? If I'm being honest, the answer is probably not. I would love to be able to say that everytime I had a craving for a cup of coffee, I would drop what I was doing and spend time with Jesus. If only it were that easy.
So, Saturday's sermon got me thinking. What in my life is preventing me from seeing and being with Jesus? What in my life is keeping me from being content with Jesus? Upon some time of reflection, I realized that the answer to my questions was all wrapped up in my wanting to be in control in my life. I want a plan. I want a routine, a time line. Fortunately, God does not work according to our schedules and time lines. I struggle with wanting to be in control being in control - or lack thereof. I have a plan in my head as to how I want my life to look, but when I sit down and examine the way my life has actually turned out, I realize that there were a few more twists, turns and detours that have led me in a completely different direction then what I had imagined. Looking back, I must admit that those detours have been for the better - incredible things have resulted. I am guilty of focusing too much of my time on the future rather then in the present moment. The "if only" game plays on and on in my head and I fail to see the joys and the delight in right now.
So, for lent this year, I am not giving up a food or anything materialistic. Instead I am relinquishing my control over the things in my life to God. I am fasting from control. I have a hunch that this will be a daily choice (probably numerous times a day) this lent season, but I think God will understand. My heart so badly desires to be content with who God has made me to be and the things He has planned for my life, and so I am praying that Lent will bring a new joy, a deeper connection with the Spirit and an overwhelming peace to my life. My hope is that this does not end with Easter, but that this lent season would truly be transforming in my life so that it would carry on through the rest of the year.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Headache Update
On Friday I had an appointment with a Neuromuscular doctor to do some tests in regards to my headaches. For the last few months I have been experiencing some numbness in my left foot when my headaches get very bad. This was and still is some cause for concern, so my doctor and I have been in investigation mode in order to try and figure some stuff out. The next step in this process was to see this Neuromuscular doctor so that he could rule out some nervous system disorders such as MS (Multiple Sclerosis).
The doctor was phenomenal. For the first time in 2 years I felt as though I was being heard and making progress. What he did was test my peripheral nervous system (the nerves that supply my extremities-my hands and feet). The results weren't bad, but they weren't great. He said that I was on the low end of normal in terms of how the nerves in my feet work, but that there were no alarm signs to be overly concerned about. So that was good news. He was unable to rule out MS completely because he was not testing the central nervous system - I need another MRI to do that, but he didn't think this was MS. What a relief! He still wants me to go back to my neurologist to redo an MRI and then if that is clear, I can get some treatment for my pain and headaches in the form of injections. They are called Trigger Point Injections, which means that they would inject botox (I've always wanted to get botox :) into my neck muscles to get rid of some of the myofascial pain and relieve some of the tension in my neck that has come because of my head. A side effect of the these injections is that they cause significant bruising, so the back of my neck will be covered with bruises, but that seems like a small price to pay to minimize some of the pain I experience. This treatment isn't getting rid of the cause of my headaches, but rather a form of relief. I am down for trying anything at this stage of the game. So in the next few weeks I will see the neurologist and we'll take it from there.
That is the gist of it. I left the hospital feeling very hopeful about where things were headed. We have a plan - and that feels wonderful!!! I almost wanted to hug him because I was so happy. I actually cried tears of joy. God is good. I feel as though we are actually making some steps in the right direction. Hopefully all will continue to be well and that these injections will work to take care of the pain. I'll keep you posted.
The doctor was phenomenal. For the first time in 2 years I felt as though I was being heard and making progress. What he did was test my peripheral nervous system (the nerves that supply my extremities-my hands and feet). The results weren't bad, but they weren't great. He said that I was on the low end of normal in terms of how the nerves in my feet work, but that there were no alarm signs to be overly concerned about. So that was good news. He was unable to rule out MS completely because he was not testing the central nervous system - I need another MRI to do that, but he didn't think this was MS. What a relief! He still wants me to go back to my neurologist to redo an MRI and then if that is clear, I can get some treatment for my pain and headaches in the form of injections. They are called Trigger Point Injections, which means that they would inject botox (I've always wanted to get botox :) into my neck muscles to get rid of some of the myofascial pain and relieve some of the tension in my neck that has come because of my head. A side effect of the these injections is that they cause significant bruising, so the back of my neck will be covered with bruises, but that seems like a small price to pay to minimize some of the pain I experience. This treatment isn't getting rid of the cause of my headaches, but rather a form of relief. I am down for trying anything at this stage of the game. So in the next few weeks I will see the neurologist and we'll take it from there.
That is the gist of it. I left the hospital feeling very hopeful about where things were headed. We have a plan - and that feels wonderful!!! I almost wanted to hug him because I was so happy. I actually cried tears of joy. God is good. I feel as though we are actually making some steps in the right direction. Hopefully all will continue to be well and that these injections will work to take care of the pain. I'll keep you posted.
Thank you to all of you who have been diligently praying on my behalf for these headaches. They mean a lot!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thoughts with Jesus
It would seem that over the course of the last few weeks, Jesus and me have been at somewhat of a stand still. It feels as though it was not long ago where I found myself waking up in the morning, craving the presence of Jesus, desiring to be closer to him, to try and truly know and see what needing Jesus is all about. I was so thirsty and I wanted to be quenched.
As of late, I'm not entirely sure what has happened. I don't really have an extensive list of activities that have filled my calender, and yet, I have somehow failed to include and invite Jesus into the everyday. This past weekend I have found myself back in the place of desiring and wanting Jesus again. The key words in that last sentence are desiring and wanting. Those aren't what I would call "action" words. I have the yearning in my heart to have me and Jesus be in sync, but I fail the drive and conscious choice to get me back to that place.
I am desiring to learn more. I want to re-acquaint myself with the pages of scripture once again. I want my time with Jesus to be desired. I want to feel a deep absence in my heart when time with Jesus is missed. I want thoughts of Jesus to be the first thing that I think when I wake up in the morning. I crave to see and feel glimpses of Jesus in the many other relationships in my life - to notice the fingerprints of God not only in my own life, but also in the lives of others. I want to not forget to rejoice and praise with a thankful heart.
Yesterday our "How to Read the Bible" bible study group met for the first time again since Christmas and it was so refreshing to dig deeper, to pray together, and to seek together the pages of scripture. I have missed that. I felt as though I was finally taking action again and it felt good. As were talking and discussing some points throughout the chapter, there was a paragraph that stood out to me. It goes as follows:
What I like about that paragraph above, is that it is a harsh reminder that this is not about us as people. It is about God. I think there is a beautiful freedom in each of those statements that identifies who God is. Yes, we live in a fallen world, where we will mess up over and over again. There will be days where me and Jesus won't be connecting on the same page. The beautiful part is that God does not stop pursuing us, restoring us and redeeming us, faults and all. This is in no way an excuse for us to use "cheap grace" to our individual advantage, but rather in those moments when I fail to need Jesus to be apart of my day to day, it is a reminder that I am still being pursued and sought after. I am redeemed. What freedom!
As of late, I'm not entirely sure what has happened. I don't really have an extensive list of activities that have filled my calender, and yet, I have somehow failed to include and invite Jesus into the everyday. This past weekend I have found myself back in the place of desiring and wanting Jesus again. The key words in that last sentence are desiring and wanting. Those aren't what I would call "action" words. I have the yearning in my heart to have me and Jesus be in sync, but I fail the drive and conscious choice to get me back to that place.
I am desiring to learn more. I want to re-acquaint myself with the pages of scripture once again. I want my time with Jesus to be desired. I want to feel a deep absence in my heart when time with Jesus is missed. I want thoughts of Jesus to be the first thing that I think when I wake up in the morning. I crave to see and feel glimpses of Jesus in the many other relationships in my life - to notice the fingerprints of God not only in my own life, but also in the lives of others. I want to not forget to rejoice and praise with a thankful heart.
Yesterday our "How to Read the Bible" bible study group met for the first time again since Christmas and it was so refreshing to dig deeper, to pray together, and to seek together the pages of scripture. I have missed that. I felt as though I was finally taking action again and it felt good. As were talking and discussing some points throughout the chapter, there was a paragraph that stood out to me. It goes as follows:
"The genius of the biblical story is what it tells us about God himself: a God who sacrifices himself in death out of love for his enemies; a God who would rather experience the death we deserved than to be apart from the people he created for his pleasure; a God who himself bore our likeness, experienced our creatureliness, and carried our sins so that he might provide pardon, reconciliation; a God who would not let us go, but who would pursue us - all of us, even the worst of us - so that he might restore us into joyful fellowship with himself; a God who in Christ Jesus has so forever identified with his beloved creatures that he came to be known and praised as the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."
What I like about that paragraph above, is that it is a harsh reminder that this is not about us as people. It is about God. I think there is a beautiful freedom in each of those statements that identifies who God is. Yes, we live in a fallen world, where we will mess up over and over again. There will be days where me and Jesus won't be connecting on the same page. The beautiful part is that God does not stop pursuing us, restoring us and redeeming us, faults and all. This is in no way an excuse for us to use "cheap grace" to our individual advantage, but rather in those moments when I fail to need Jesus to be apart of my day to day, it is a reminder that I am still being pursued and sought after. I am redeemed. What freedom!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Tobogganing
Today was a perfect prairie winter day. The sun was shining, the air was somewhat warm (as warm as it can get on an afternoon in February) and little wind. I'm not typically what one would call an outdoorsy person, but there are a few outside winter activities that I do enjoy, especially with the right company. I had the perfect company this afternoon. After almost 2 solid months of not seeing each other, Cole and I finally had an afternoon to spend together. It was wonderful. Man, I miss that kid! Cole LOVES being outside, so I put on my big girl boots and took Cole tobogganing.
I think I can speak for the both of us when I say that we had a blast. For the past 6 months or so, Cole has become quite withdrawn and quiet for various reasons, but today when I picked him up he was a chatty patty. I was shocked to say the least, but I enjoyed every moment of it. It was an answer to prayer. Along with his sudden urge to speak was his urge for adventure and risk taking - something that has never been his forte. For example, we discovered these 2 "jumps" on one side of the hill and upon seeing these, Cole immediately asked if he could jump them. I almost had to hold back my laughter because it was so unheard of. I of course said yes, so off he went on the sled, no fear to be seen and he made the jump. He was SOOOOO proud of himself. I was proud of him too.
Check out that smile :)
After numerous runs at the "jump" Cole asked if I could accompany him on the sled so that we could go down together. Not really realizing the actual size of the jump I said yes and away we went. Well, that jump happened to feel A LOT bigger then it looked. We landed hard but beautifully soared over the hill (we even got compliments regarding our "style" when we got back up to the top by some teenage boys - Cole was thrilled).
As of right now my ass and back are quite stiff and sore, but I imagine the look on our faces was worth it. I'm glad I got to do this with Cole and hear him genuinely laugh again. I could almost cry tears of joy :)
Our afternoon date ended with slurpees and 5 cent candy from 7-11. It was the perfect Sunday afternoon! Thanks for a perfect afternoon Cole. I can't wait until we can do it again!
I think I can speak for the both of us when I say that we had a blast. For the past 6 months or so, Cole has become quite withdrawn and quiet for various reasons, but today when I picked him up he was a chatty patty. I was shocked to say the least, but I enjoyed every moment of it. It was an answer to prayer. Along with his sudden urge to speak was his urge for adventure and risk taking - something that has never been his forte. For example, we discovered these 2 "jumps" on one side of the hill and upon seeing these, Cole immediately asked if he could jump them. I almost had to hold back my laughter because it was so unheard of. I of course said yes, so off he went on the sled, no fear to be seen and he made the jump. He was SOOOOO proud of himself. I was proud of him too.
Check out that smile :)After numerous runs at the "jump" Cole asked if I could accompany him on the sled so that we could go down together. Not really realizing the actual size of the jump I said yes and away we went. Well, that jump happened to feel A LOT bigger then it looked. We landed hard but beautifully soared over the hill (we even got compliments regarding our "style" when we got back up to the top by some teenage boys - Cole was thrilled).
As of right now my ass and back are quite stiff and sore, but I imagine the look on our faces was worth it. I'm glad I got to do this with Cole and hear him genuinely laugh again. I could almost cry tears of joy :)
Our afternoon date ended with slurpees and 5 cent candy from 7-11. It was the perfect Sunday afternoon! Thanks for a perfect afternoon Cole. I can't wait until we can do it again!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Auntie Kara
Being an auntie is the best role I have had to play yet. These "nieces" and "nephews" aren't biological family, but I have discovered in my 24 years of life that family is so much more then genes and biology. These 2 kids have melted my heart over and over and I am blessed because of it. They have brought smiles and joy to my life and I love them dearly.
Gavin Gray
Norah Marie
Last week Sabrina and I watched Gavin and Norah while Kristy got her haircut. It was interesting to watch the interaction between the 2 kids. Norah delighted in idea of playing with Gavin. However, Gavin wasn't so comfortable sharing his mommy with Norah. Sabrina and I pulled out our best A-game to get the kids to laugh and play together. It's amazing how silly you become when you are willing to do anything to get kids to crack a smile. It was a lot of fun.
Gavin Gray
Norah MarieLast week Sabrina and I watched Gavin and Norah while Kristy got her haircut. It was interesting to watch the interaction between the 2 kids. Norah delighted in idea of playing with Gavin. However, Gavin wasn't so comfortable sharing his mommy with Norah. Sabrina and I pulled out our best A-game to get the kids to laugh and play together. It's amazing how silly you become when you are willing to do anything to get kids to crack a smile. It was a lot of fun.
DANCING
Monday, February 2, 2009
Fargo Getaway!
2 weeks ago Kristy and I were wallowing in our lack of ability to go anywhere warm this winter. We were feeling pretty sorry for ourselves and felt a VERY strong urge to pack up and go somewhere...anywhere. We were thinking maybe we should head down to Fargo for the weekend since Graham was working nights over the weekend, but hotels prices weren't that great. In the end we decided to use some of my Air Miles that had been accumulating and we were able to stay for free. We like free, so it was the perfect deal. After talking with Aimee, we learned that Andrew was also working evenings that weekend, so along Aimee came too.
Friday at 5pm sharp, Kristy, Norah, and I picked Aimee up from work and we headed down to Fargo for some deals.
It would seem that we have some interesting luck with hotel rooms. The initial room that they put us in was awful. It stunk soooo bad of something resembling a rotting, shit-filled diaper (and it wasn't Norah's). It was disgusting to say the least.
I very quickly called the front desk to see if we could possibly move to a nicer smelling room and they were up within 5 min with our new keys to our new room. Our new room smelled strongly of mint deodorizer, but a couple minutes with the window open, cleared out that smell.
The shopping experience in general wasn't fabulous. We all found a couple good finds, but nothing extravagant. I believe Norah came home with the largest haul - imagine that!
We shopped until we dropped (I think Aimee could have actually dropped), but on our "down time" it was wonderful to hang out in our hotel room chatting, watching movies we couldn't hear, eating lots and lots of junk food and just "be".
Being silly with Auntie Kara
Saturday night after a yummy supper at Johnny Carinos, the 3 of us took Norah down to the pool to do some swimming. She loved the water!
Sunday morning we took the morning easy before we packed up the car and hit a couple more stores in Fargo and then ventured to Grand Forks to scope out some of the deals there. Not much was found. The ride home was slow going at times due to AWFUL weather. There were moments when I was driving between 40 - 60 km/hr due to the poor visibility, fog and wind.
This little weekend getaway was no 5 star resort in the warmth of Mexico, but it was a ton of fun spent with some beautiful ladies. It was great to be able to get away for a weekend but it was also nice to come home and fall asleep in my own bed. Next time ladies...Minneapolis!
Friday at 5pm sharp, Kristy, Norah, and I picked Aimee up from work and we headed down to Fargo for some deals.
It would seem that we have some interesting luck with hotel rooms. The initial room that they put us in was awful. It stunk soooo bad of something resembling a rotting, shit-filled diaper (and it wasn't Norah's). It was disgusting to say the least.
I very quickly called the front desk to see if we could possibly move to a nicer smelling room and they were up within 5 min with our new keys to our new room. Our new room smelled strongly of mint deodorizer, but a couple minutes with the window open, cleared out that smell.
The shopping experience in general wasn't fabulous. We all found a couple good finds, but nothing extravagant. I believe Norah came home with the largest haul - imagine that!
We shopped until we dropped (I think Aimee could have actually dropped), but on our "down time" it was wonderful to hang out in our hotel room chatting, watching movies we couldn't hear, eating lots and lots of junk food and just "be".
Being silly with Auntie Kara
Saturday night after a yummy supper at Johnny Carinos, the 3 of us took Norah down to the pool to do some swimming. She loved the water!
Sunday morning we took the morning easy before we packed up the car and hit a couple more stores in Fargo and then ventured to Grand Forks to scope out some of the deals there. Not much was found. The ride home was slow going at times due to AWFUL weather. There were moments when I was driving between 40 - 60 km/hr due to the poor visibility, fog and wind.
This little weekend getaway was no 5 star resort in the warmth of Mexico, but it was a ton of fun spent with some beautiful ladies. It was great to be able to get away for a weekend but it was also nice to come home and fall asleep in my own bed. Next time ladies...Minneapolis!
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