Oh, to take rest.

Frustration. That word doesn't seem to accurately describe my exact emotions right now. It isn't strong enough. Perhaps preturbed and discouraged fit a little better. Whatever the case, I am at the end of my rope.

Friday started out as any other ordinary day. I went to work and had plans to see a movie with our "How to..." group followed by goodness at Starbucks. I made it through the movie, but that is where my body said no more. The headache I had felt all day escalated to a point of intense pain. Maybe it was the massive screen and the constant flashing from the movie that made things worse, but only God knows what sets my head off. I wish he would share some of that knowledge with my doctors :)

I ended up back in the St B ER with hopes of getting an MRI sooner than my scheduled date (which as yet to be determined BTW). It had already been a long week with phone calls back and forth to my neurologist's office trying to convince him to get me in for an MRI as soon as possible. No such luck yet. Apparently the possible diagnosis that the doctor from Urgent Care 3 weeks ago seems to be less important to my neurologist and the ER doctor last night. I don't get. In the end, I ended up with an IV for morphine and something to reduce the nausea and was sent home. No MRI. No more answers. 10 times more frustrated. A part of me just wants to scream and cry at the top of my lungs, but that would make the constant pounding in my head that much worse. I'm finding myself at a bit of a loss for words and for what to do next. I'm thankful for friends who are in the medical profession. They have given me invaluable advice to keep harassing these people and to send me down the "right" tracks to getting answers.

Although I have no answers yet, I have to be hopeful that something will and can be done about my head. I have to hope otherwise I find myself wallowing in frustration on the couch. That being said, I am giving myself permission this afternoon to just sit and be, to let the tears come if they need and to every once in awhile let out a cry of frustation. My next step is to go and shower the grossness of yesterday off, set myself up in front of Dirty Dancing and indulge in a venti, extra hot, pumpkin spice latte. If I can't control some of these health concerns in my life, I can at least take rest in the presence of Jesus and nourish my soul with some happy things.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."