Where I'm Headed

On January 28th, 2010, I will be headed to a tropical Heaven with Kristen & Gareth for 1 week. We're going to be living it up at a Gold Star resort - perhaps a little too posh for us, but I think we'll manage :) These pictures are taken from the resort we will be staying at, the Pueblo Bonito Sunset Beach.

The countdown is officially on!

Spontaneity

spon·ta·ne·i·ty:

1. The quality or condition of being spontaneous.
2. Spontaneous behavior, impulse, or movement.

That definition exactly describes what Jess and I did yesterday. I've never been swimming on September 27th. By the time the end of September rolls around, the weather cools off pretty quickly. With some of the warmer weather we have been experiencing lately, Jess and I decided to give the waters of Lake Winnipeg a try. It was a quick dip. Literally in and out. The water was chilly but not nearly as bad as I was expecting. When we got out, our toes and hands were a little chilled, but overall we felt refreshed for the afternoon. Just as a little side note, the outside air temperature was 15 degrees with crazy winds (that's not an official forecast btw).

Please note Alissa's attire versus mine and Jess'.

1st Annual Girls Weekend

This past weekend at 5pm sharp, my mom's car pulled up to the house, Dominika and Courtney on board, and the 4 of us headed down to Grand Forks. It was just us girls - no boys allowed. This meant we could take our leisurely time browsing the aisles of Target (and when I say browsing, I mean, Dominika literally walking up and down every single aisles in the store - no joke. That took her 3 hours in case you were wondering). We closed down Target at 11pm Friday night. I was thankful the Starbucks in Target remained open as there is nothing more delightful in my world than cruising the aisles of Target with an extra hot latte in hand. Does it get any more perfect??? I think not.

Saturday morning we wasted no time in sleeping. Someone said that,

"we could catch up on our sleep when we are dead, but today we shop".

That may have been said by me, maybe not ;) We were at the doors of Kohl's promptly at 9am. I was a tad disappointed with the lack of finds at some stores, but I did manage to discover a Michael Jackson t-shirt for $10. You better believe it that it was purchased. All in all I did a decent amount of damage to my credit card - nothing like Dominika - she's in a league all of her own in terms of spending. Wow!

We enjoyed trying on various obscure and hideous outfits. We had some good laughs.

We ended off the day with a very yummy meal at L'Bistro. Those interested in a fabulous dinner in Grand Forks - it's an awesome place to go. It's the restuarant attached to the CanadInns hotel. Due to my increasing loss of appetite, I was unable to enjoy the meal to it's fullest, but took home the rest for later consumption. I had the Baked Seafood Linguine. It was amazing to say the least.


We refueled with one last stop at Starbucks before heading home. We unfortunately had to pay duty at the border, but I guess that is what happens when the car limit is over by $600. Haha. Oh Dominika. This will definitely be a yearly tradition for us girls. It's nice to have "sisters" around to do this with. On the way home, my mom says,

"One day soon girls, we are doing this in New York".

Bring it on mom. We are ready!

A Thought to Ponder

"Here is the thing about God. He is so big and so perfect that we can't really

understand Him. We can't possess Him, or apprehend Him. Moses learned this when

He climbed up Mount Sinai and saw the radiance of God's face would burn him up

should he gaze upon it directly. But God so wants to be in relationship with us that

He makes himself small, smaller than He really is. Smaller and more humble than

His infinite and perfect self, so that we might be able to get Him, a little bit".

~ Lauren Winner "Girl Meets God"

A Friendly Reminder

This morning when I woke up, I was grumpy. I slept awful. The frustration expressed in my previous post is still feels very real and my head was hurting. A full pot of coffee and some meds took a little bit of the edge off, but let's face it, I'm still grumpy.

I knew that I needed to do something to kick start a better mood for the day otherwise it is going to be a VERY loooonnnnnggg day and it's a day where I need not to be grumpy (poor grade 9 girls who get to meet their volleyball coach tonight). I needed to make some choices. I could wallow in my frustration and throw a little pity party for myself, or I could choose to find some goodness in my life. I made a list and this is what is on it:

1. The sun. It's a beautiful day (although a tad humid) and I am glad it is not cloudy or rainy as that tends to intensify my head even more. The sunshine is a wonderful thing.

2. I have a spectacular bunch of girls who love me despite my many flaws. They are a tremendous blessing in my life and I never want to take that for granted.


3. I have an army of people who pray for me daily.

4. I have some wonderful little people who bring joy to my life on a regular basis. Tell me who can resist these faces???


5. I have a puppy that waits for me to get home each night and when I walk in the door, whimpers and wags her tail with sheer excitement. Now, I know she is just a puppy, but no one else gives me a welcome like that each and every time I walk in the door. She loves me and I love it.

6. I get to go to work and be with fascinating people and I have the honor of working on them in order to bring some sort of healing in their life. What a privilege!

So the list is not all that lengthy, but I figured it was a good start to get the day rollin'. Perhaps my eyes will continue to be opened throughout the course of the day and week ahead at the many other blessings in my life. The frustration and the anger will come in waves I know, but I now have something more life giving to focus on when those moments arise.

Oh, to take rest.

Frustration. That word doesn't seem to accurately describe my exact emotions right now. It isn't strong enough. Perhaps preturbed and discouraged fit a little better. Whatever the case, I am at the end of my rope.

Friday started out as any other ordinary day. I went to work and had plans to see a movie with our "How to..." group followed by goodness at Starbucks. I made it through the movie, but that is where my body said no more. The headache I had felt all day escalated to a point of intense pain. Maybe it was the massive screen and the constant flashing from the movie that made things worse, but only God knows what sets my head off. I wish he would share some of that knowledge with my doctors :)

I ended up back in the St B ER with hopes of getting an MRI sooner than my scheduled date (which as yet to be determined BTW). It had already been a long week with phone calls back and forth to my neurologist's office trying to convince him to get me in for an MRI as soon as possible. No such luck yet. Apparently the possible diagnosis that the doctor from Urgent Care 3 weeks ago seems to be less important to my neurologist and the ER doctor last night. I don't get. In the end, I ended up with an IV for morphine and something to reduce the nausea and was sent home. No MRI. No more answers. 10 times more frustrated. A part of me just wants to scream and cry at the top of my lungs, but that would make the constant pounding in my head that much worse. I'm finding myself at a bit of a loss for words and for what to do next. I'm thankful for friends who are in the medical profession. They have given me invaluable advice to keep harassing these people and to send me down the "right" tracks to getting answers.

Although I have no answers yet, I have to be hopeful that something will and can be done about my head. I have to hope otherwise I find myself wallowing in frustration on the couch. That being said, I am giving myself permission this afternoon to just sit and be, to let the tears come if they need and to every once in awhile let out a cry of frustation. My next step is to go and shower the grossness of yesterday off, set myself up in front of Dirty Dancing and indulge in a venti, extra hot, pumpkin spice latte. If I can't control some of these health concerns in my life, I can at least take rest in the presence of Jesus and nourish my soul with some happy things.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

A Brief Hiatus

I haven't had much opportunity in the last few days to blog or even check email for that matter. I'm housesitting/cat sitting for some friends of mine who happen to be picking up their little adopted boy in the states right now, so I couldn't be more excited. I'm hoping that over the course of the weekend I might get a more thrilling post up. Stay tuned.

It turns out I may not be crazy

My headaches as of late have been frustrating to say the least. It's been a discouraging journey. Over the course of the last week, I thought I was maybe imagining this intense pain, but no, this pain is very real. However, as of last night, I feel hopeful.

Yesterday evening I received a call from one of the doctors at the hospital from my time there last week. Apparently after further review of my blood work, it appears that I have abnormally high prolactin levels. When I initially heard that, I thought maybe they have the wrong patient, because from what I could recall from school, the hormone prolactin, is responsible for breastfeeding. I felt pretty confident informing the doctor that I was not breastfeeding, but apparently that doesn't really matter.
Anyway, essentially what having high levels of prolactin does is indicate that my pituitary gland is quite possibly enlarged. The pituitary gland is located in the brain, sort of at the base of the skull and about the size of a pea. It's a pretty powerful little thing as it controls everything from body temperature, to the reproductive system. So, when the gland is enlarged, it then compresses on the optic nerve, thus causing headaches, loss of vision/poor vision and can cause blackouts and seizures. It's definitely a cause for concern.

When I asked what causes the gland to be enlarged, the doctor said that it could be a couple different things ranging from a thyroid issue to a non-cancerous tumor. He said he didn't want to scare me by saying the word tumor, but he wanted me to be aware of the whole situation. I appreciated that. Now, the doctor couldn't diagnose anything 100% because he doesn't have the MRI imaging to confirm his findings, but he said this was his hunch. He was going to call my neurologist ASAP to get me moved up faster on the MRI list. He says I really need to have this testing done by next week. So hopefully something can be done and we can start a treatment plan, which would be surgery or medication typically.

I was beginning to think this chronic pain was going to be what my life was going to look like. The future (healthwise) felt bleak. So, it turns out that I may not be crazy and that there is a reason for this chronic pain. I jump back and forth from being amazingly excited and hopeful that I may not have to be in pain forever, yet scared at what may be involved in the process in getting this under control.

Thank you to all who have prayed relentlessly for me and my head. It's been a dreadfully long journey and one that I hope will come to a close in the near future. I'll keep you posted on what happens.