Stop. Breathe.

I have lost track at how many times I have started this post. Seriously. I keep trying to sum up life over the past few weeks and everything I write doesn't seem to sound right or convey what I want it to. Not only that, I have found myself with very little time to actually sit down at the computer for any length of time and write a post. When I got up this morning, I found myself immediately anxious with the list of "To Do's" for the day. I needed to collect my thoughts, take some deep breaths and reflect. So here goes nothing.

January has felt like a whirlwind of activity. I think I can count on one hand how many evenings I actually spent at home, relaxing, nourishing me. I am not one who thrives off of constant activity and rushing around. That is not how I choose to do life. Needless to say, I am feeling tired and worn out. I am beyond exhaustion. The hard part is that the things that have kept me on my feet day after day are all wonderful and great things. I really can't complain because 9/10 of the time these things bring me a great deal of joy. What has definitely kept me going day after day is the fact that in 2 days, at this exact time, I will be sitting on a plane, en route to Cabos San Lucas, Mexico with 2 wonderful people for a week of relaxing, laughing, eating and sunbathing (well, maybe not exactly sunbathing seeing as I probably won't change color from the time I leave to the time I come back, but I can always dream right???). I am anticipating nothing but good things for the week ahead. I can't wait to get there.

At the beginning of the new year I stated that I wanted to want more of Jesus. I wanted to experience him being enough for me. It has been one month in and already, January has been a month of learning I guess you might say, of letting the Holy Spirit lead. I have found myself in a place where I wake up craving the presence of God. I am practicing silence before God rather than spewing off words, in hopes of being attentive to the Spirit's voice, so that when and if I do hear something, that I might also act. Initially this sounds all very good and it is. However, this is a vulnerable and sometimes scary place to be. What if I hear something that I don't want to hear? Can I be bold enough to respond to the leading of the Spirit even if it puts me in uncomfortable and unfamiliar territory? These are some huge questions I am struggling with. I want to think that I would respond with boldness and obedience, but let's face it, I am human and I sin. In the meantime, I have made a list of obstacles/hindrances that might prevent me from not only acting but also hearing from the Holy Spirit. In doing so, I am hoping that when and if I do hear something, I would go through this list and then ask myself if any of these things are preventing me from responding. Even though there is an element of fear in all of this, I must admit there is also a great deal of excitement that fills me. Who knows where God will lead me, but I know that whatever and wherever it is, it promises to be an incredible journey. Then I have to ask myself, how can I not follow?

Well, the coffee pot is beeping, informing me that my coffee is ready. I am going to sit and enjoy my cup for a couple more minutes and then continue onward with the day ahead.