Healing Rain

It Just Hurts

As I write this post, there are few words to describe what and how I am feeling today and through this past week. It's been long.

I am exhausted.
I am worn out.
I am frustrated.
I hurt. 

Tuesday I found myself in the hospital with intense headache pain. Simply put, it was awful. I don't remember much from my time there. While in Assiniboine Park with a friend, I felt strange. We had been sitting down at a picnic table and when I stood up to leave, I felt dizzy and extremely nauseous. Initially I thought I had just gotten up too fast, but it didn't go away. It didn't take long before my knees were weak and I could hardly stand. The tremors began and that's the last I remember. I left the house that morning with a headache, but that is not unheard of. In fact, I always leave the house with a headache so I didn't think anything of it. I remember laying in the hospital bed feeling scared and frustrated. My breathing was hard to control. I couldn't seem to catch my breath and I panicked. After some nice shots of Demerol and Morphine to take the edge off, I started to feel better (Kristy pointed out to me that the nurse admistering the drugs in my ass was cute and very nice. At least there was one perk). Those are some very nice drugs. I had another CT Scan and bloodwork done. They all came back normal. In the end, the doctor informed me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with. I'm glad there was no mass growing on my brain, but hearing that I was completely fine sucked. I'm not fine and I wanted to yell that at the top of my lungs, but I couldn't.

In hindsight, I wonder if anxiety from this week being a hard week of remembering triggered a significant headache. It's hard to say for sure. It's possible. It could have just been a really, really bad headache. I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to get to the hospital so that doctors could see that these headaches I experience are not made up. They are real and they hurt like hell. So, what's next on the health to do list? I'm not quite sure. I have an MRI coming this fall, but in the meantime there is a lot of waiting that is needing to happen.

I don't want to wait.
I'm tired.
I am exhausted.

So where does Jesus fit into all of this? I've been practicing just "being" in the presence of Jesus as that is all I can seem to do. I have been having difficulty forming words for Jesus. It seems all I can muster up are groans, sighs and tears. Thankfully Jesus can interpret those for me. What freedom there is in knowing that I don't have to have neatly packaged and eloquently spoken prayers for Jesus to hear them. He gets my pain. He sees my hurts and He sees my tears. I don't always feel His presence near me, but I need to trust that He is here, present in this moment.

This weekend I am hoping and praying for Jesus time. For moments of healing and joy, even if they are only for a few moments. I need to trust that Jesus is enough and in His presence there is peace.

Baby Showers and Pool Time

Last weekend we had a baby shower for lovely friend Aimee and her beautiful little girl Hayley. We had so much fun planning it and making delicious shower type food. The weather was gorgeous so we were able to spend lots of time outside, which was very much welcomed. Here are some pictures from the day.

The Cake

The Favors:

Every baby shower needs games. Kristy came up with some goodies. The first game, we all got ice cubes with a plastic baby frozen in the middle and we had to use whatever method we wanted to get the baby out either by sucking on the ice or by holding it in our hands. When we got our baby out, we had to yell "My Water Broke".

The second game was to see how well we could multi-task. Kristy strung a clothesline up in the backyard, had a pile of baby clothes that needed to be hung up, all while talking on the phone and holding a baby. Some people were better at it than others. Apparently I am not a great mulit-tasker. Aimee and Kristen had awesome times, but in the end it was Kristen who won.

When the formal part of the shower was over, we decided we needed to jump in the pool. Hot, sunny weather finally graced Winnipeg with its presence, so we thought we should take advantage of the situation. Not everyone had thought to bring bathing suits (I guess it's not something that you typically would think to bring to a baby shower), so Kristen scrounged up whatever she could around the house and found something for everyone who wanted.

Of course, every pool time needs competitions of some sort. The competition part of the afternoon consisted of everything from diving to canon balls to obstacles such as jumping on a floaty mat and then diving through a hoop. Kristen, your skills with diving through hoops was extremely impressive. I have a new respect for you :)

If you notice, our friend Laura is 9 months pregnant. Her due date was actually the following day. Perhaps in hopes of getting labour going, she joined in almost every water competition, of course winning the canon ball one for the biggest splash hands down. Nice work Laura.

It was a perfect day for a baby shower. For good food. For good conversation and for excellent pool time.

Hope in Isaiah

For the last 3 weeks, the "How to Read the Bible" group that I am apart of has been trudging along through the book of Isaiah. I will admit, that at first, the book was daunting and it took a few chapters to get into (ok, maybe it took a good 30 chapters to really get into), but in the last few days I have experienced some good God moments amidst a time in my life where anniversaries of deaths and awfulness rear their ugly heads. 

“Listen in silence before me, you lands beyond the sea.

      Bring your strongest arguments.

   Come now and speak.

      The court is ready for your case.

 ² “Who has stirred up this king from the east,

      rightly calling him to God’s service?

   Who gives this man victory over many nations

      and permits him to trample their kings underfoot?

   With his sword, he reduces armies to dust.

      With his bow, he scatters them like chaff before the wind.

 ³ He chases them away and goes on safely,

      though he is walking over unfamiliar ground.

 ⁴ Who has done such mighty deeds,

      summoning each new generation from the beginning of time?

   It is I, the Lord, the First and the Last.

      I alone am he.”

 ⁵ The lands beyond the sea watch in fear.

      Remote lands tremble and mobilize for war.

 ⁶ The idol makers encourage one another,

      saying to each other, “Be strong!”

 ⁷ The carver encourages the goldsmith,

      and the molder helps at the anvil.

      “Good,” they say. “It’s coming along fine.”

   Carefully they join the parts together,

      then fasten the thing in place so it won’t fall over.

 ⁸ “But as for you, Israel my servant,

      Jacob my chosen one,

      descended from Abraham my friend,

 ⁹ I have called you back from the ends of the earth,

      saying, ‘You are my servant.’

   For I have chosen you

      and will not throw you away.

 ¹⁰ Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.

      Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.

   I will strengthen you and help you.

      I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

 ¹¹ “See, all your angry enemies lie there,

      confused and humiliated.

   Anyone who opposes you will die

      and come to nothing.

 ¹² You will look in vain

      for those who tried to conquer you.

   Those who attack you

      will come to nothing.

 ¹³ For I hold you by your right hand—

      I, the Lord your God.

   And I say to you,

      ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.

 ¹⁴ Though you are a lowly worm, O Jacob,

      don’t be afraid, people of Israel, for I will help you.

   I am the Lord, your Redeemer.

      I am the Holy One of Israel.’

 ¹⁵ You will be a new threshing instrument

      with many sharp teeth.

   You will tear your enemies apart,

      making chaff of mountains.

 ¹⁶ You will toss them into the air,

      and the wind will blow them all away;

      a whirlwind will scatter them.

   Then you will rejoice in the Lord.

      You will glory in the Holy One of Israel.

 ¹⁷ “When the poor and needy search for water and there is none,

      and their tongues are parched from thirst,

   then I, the Lord, will answer them.

      I, the God of Israel, will never abandon them.

 ¹⁸ I will open up rivers for them on the high plateaus.

      I will give them fountains of water in the valleys.

   I will fill the desert with pools of water.

      Rivers fed by springs will flow across the parched ground.

 ¹⁹ I will plant trees in the barren desert—

      cedar, acacia, myrtle, olive, cypress, fir, and pine.

 ²⁰ I am doing this so all who see this miracle

      will understand what it means—

   that it is the Lord who has done this,

      the Holy One of Israel who created it.

~ Isaiah 41: 1-20

This particular chapter stood out to me for a couple reasons. It's important to know some of the history behind this chapter. These words were spoken to Israel during a time when Assyria ruled the land and the Israelites. God has placed His people in exile because of their refusal to worship the Lord their God and their failure to do what was honoring to the eyes of God. So, Isaiah the prophet comes along and shares these words from God. The words of God are redemptive and compassionate words. Keep in mind that Israel did not deserve this love and mercy, yet God has chosen to redeem them as His people. When I read the above verses, I cannot help but become overwhelmed with majestic and sovereign nature of God. The words and His love for Israel, for us, is captivating and extravagant. That we are worthy enough to be called Children of God is indescribable. Someone in our group sent out an email last week and at the end of her encouraging words to keep plugging our way through all 66 chapters of Isaiah, she spoke these very wise words: 

"Have fun with this. Read it to enjoy it, not to get it done. Take off your shoes - we are on Holy Ground".

How true that statement is and the words "This is Holy Ground" have remained with me because that is where I am. When engaging the presence of God, we are indeed standing on Holy Ground and how awesome is it that we get to be there. He has redeemed us and called us His own, just like He covenanted with Israel. May you truly feel the effects of standing on that Holy Ground, redeemed through Jesus Christ.

The Week So Far

So far it's been a pretty good week - a busy week at that. Lots of celebration and eating out. Just over a month after Kevin and Dominika got engaged, our two families finally were able to get together and celebrate with them. We celebrated at the Keg - never a disappointment (especially when I get to chow down on Lobster) and had a good time with both families. Unfortunately I didn't bring my camera along, so there are no pictures.

This week also included the girls annual evening out at Rainbow Stage. In attendance this year was my mom, Courtney, Grandma and my auntie Anny. Playing this year is Beauty and the Beast and let me just say, that it was by far one of the best productions they have ever put on. Everything was phenomenal. Our evening always begins with a greasy, but delicious supper at Kelekis - there are no better burger and fries anywhere in the city in my opinion.

It was a wonderful evening out with the ladies. Next year: Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Yesterday morning I got hang out with one of my favorite men in the whole world.

Gavin and I had a delightful morning together spent at the park and playing diggers and dozers. We made the outing to the park our first activity in order to beat the summer heat, although that back fired. By the time we arrived back at home (about a 45 minute trip in total), Gavin's hair was dripping wet - he looked as though he had just gotten out of the bath. Sorry dude.

Love you dude!

AND....Last but not least, I need your votes. I entered into a contest on the Ikea website to win a $15, 000 makeover. I entered our basement (as it is pretty hideous). You can vote for us here. The room is entitled Kara's Basement of Mismatch.

This weekend I am headed out to the cabin. Hopefully the weather will cooperate. If not, it will still be great.

Getting Through the Dry-spells

"Even when you doubt, even when it doesn't feel like anything is happening, even when it seems like God is not around, you keep doing the Mitzvot. You keep saying the prayers, you keep rinsing your hands every morning, you keep decorating the Sukkah with fruit, and lighting the sabbath candles, and making the latkes at Hanukkah. The action will get you through the dry spells. Eventually the feeling that God is hovering in between your shoulder blades will come back".

~ Lauren Winner ("Girl Meets God")

I have been reading a fabulous book over the past few weeks entitled, "Girl Meets God". In a nutshell, it describes a young woman's journey from Orthodox Judaism to Christianity. It's a fascinating story and I would highly recommend it to anyone. The above quote stood out to me as I was reading and it has been something that has been sitting in the forefront of my mind ever since.

Dry spells come and go with seasons. It appears that there are numerous people finding themselves in desert like territory as of late, myself included. Dry spells typically have a negative connotation attached to them, but I don't think a dry spell is necessarily such a bad thing. In fact, it's a normal part of relationships. We go through phases where we play hermit cards and avoid social gatherings - not because we have anything against our friends, but rather we crave the opportunity to just sit and be with ourselves. As friends, we understand these dry spells - we give each other space to do whatever it is that the other person needs. We understand that there may be fewer phone calls or emails back and forth. It's not always a bad thing.

Dry spells with Jesus can be the same way. We may not feel like "chatting" with Jesus the way we normally do. Conversations are shorter and longer between. It happens. I believe that Jesus is quite OK when we find ourselves in those desert like scenarios because he desires to be in relationship with us and relationships have dry spells. Being in a relationship doesn't necessarily have to mean things have to be on fire and exciting all the time. Sometimes relationship is about sitting in the presence of one another and just being. I think Jesus relishes those times when we allow Him to just sit and be with us. I believe that is what He intended being in relationship with us would look like. Yes, God moves in extravagant ways, but He also moves in whispers and gentle breezes.

Lauren Winner, in her book, reminded me that in the dry spells it is important to keep doing the things I do, such as devotions and prayer, in order to keep myself connected to Jesus. The words I read may not be earth shattering or awe-inspiring and the prayers I speak may not be eloquent and lengthy, but they do the trick to keep me connected. I need to continue the disciplines I have set in place so that when the dry spells end I won't feel quite so disconnected to Jesus. It's a reminder to continue to invite the presence of Jesus into the day, to just sit and be with me when life becomes dry and desert like.

An Oldie but a Goodie

My mom turned 50 this past weekend. She is truly a woman who is "50 and Fabulous!".

It was a low key affair - she asked for no big party, just a family dinner at the cabin. Done. And Done. But we still spoiled her. She does so much for us, that it was the least we could do. My mom is a pretty neat lady. I happen to like her an awful lot.

We thought we would set her up with a basket of things that she might be needing as she enters this next half of her life. Things such as a giant calculator for when her vision starts to fade, a pill sorter to keep all of her medications straight, a classic Starbucks mug for a classy lady (gift card included), A giant book of crosswords, A Gap gift certificate so that she keeps up with her style and a boa because every fabulous lady needs a boa!


She makes me laugh.

She is a popcorn lover.

She loves her coffee. A coffee themed cake was a no-brainer.

Mom loves her family and enjoys spending time together. We played games that made us laugh so hard we had tears rolling down our cheeks.

We thoroughly enjoyed our time together.

*************************************************************************************

The rest of the weekend continued to be low key. The weather was finally desirable, so we took advantage of all of the outside goodness that we could.

My brother is incapable of making a normal face.

We enjoyed time around the fire and soaked up a breathtaking sky.

It was a perfect long weekend!