Rhythm.

The interesting thing that happens when you are following your Rabbi, is that you don’t always have a sense of the direction you are heading. Walking in obedience often asks you to relinquish your sense of control and you find yourself in a tension of sorts, where you choose to walk blindly, but yet, fearlessly and open-handedly as you walk with your Rabbi. At least this has been my experience.

I like feeling in control. I like to know where I am going and how I am going to get there. I’m not a fan of being blindsided. If only it were that simple!

But walking in faith continues to teach me that I am not always privy to knowing the details or seeing the broader landscape ahead. Faith is learning to journey forward in spite of the unknowns – trusting that your Rabbi’s got you.

There are so many days when I want to run ahead of my Rabbi – to know and see what it is that he sees as him and I walk together. Oh to have the opportunity to see the full landscape ahead without a cloud of dust obstructing my view! Try as I might, but that never seems to end well. I stumble and I trip. I am that disaster of a hot mess. Running ahead and attempting to gain some sense of control means that I miss out on those moments where Jesus wants to point out those little graces along the way. Grace collides with fallen mess and I get to try again.

 “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

~Matthew 11:28-30 MSG (emphasis mine)

When impatience wells up within me and I grow anxious waiting; longing to run ahead, my Rabbi extends invitation to once again abide and to keep company with him. He calls me back - inviting me to fall back into step with his rhythm. Grace breathes rhythm with the Rabbi.

Dust.

The Lenten season is upon us. This is one of my favourite seasons in the church calendar. Perhaps it is the slowing down and the contemplative spirit that resonates in my heart. Maybe it’s simply because these 40 days leading to the cross take me to the most pivotal event in the Christian church. Or maybe it is because this season has a way of breathing grace into my life as I reflect on sacrifice and an extravagant grace that has been lavished upon us. Perhaps the reason I love this season is because it is a beautiful meshing of all of the above!

The journey to the cross is anything but graceful on my part. It’s often a staggering, stumbling, crawling, hot mess! But somehow in the midst of my un-gracefulness, grace meets me and I experience moments of rhythm as I tune into what it is that Jesus is whispering to me as He walks this road with me. Grace abounds.

“May you be covered with the dust of your Rabbi”, 

are words that I have received on many occasions and words that I have passed on to others as a prayer. The phrase comes from Rob Bell’s Nooma video entitled, “Dust”. I love that image. In order for one to be covered in the dust of your Rabbi, that person needs to be walking so closely behind the Rabbi, imitating his walk, his pace, and his course. When you change any one of those things, you risk falling behind, walking too fast, or straying off course, and the dust that your Rabbi kicks up behind him as he walks, no longer rests on your own feet. The image of being covered with the dust of your Rabbi means that there is some sense of one-ness with Jesus. What a beautiful and messy thought!

We are already two days into the Lenten journey. As per usual, I have not relinquished my coffee drinking habits, junk food consumption or any kind of media over for the season.

In the days leading up to Ash Wednesday, I found myself feeling a tad annoyed that I still had no direction, thought, word or theme to center my Lenten journey around. 

Was I missing something?

Did I really not hear anything from God?

Surely, there must be something that God wants to do in me during this season as I journey to the cross!

It is only day two and I am already stumbling. But maybe that’s ok. Maybe this year, my journey to the cross is about being present with Jesus in the journey; being attentive to His voice and allowing grace to meet me in my wandering and stumbling. I want to journey with Jesus with my heart soft, hands open and my feet covered in the dust that is kicked up from his sandals. I haven’t the hottest clue as to where Jesus will lead me in this season, but I kinda like the suspense and excitement that accompanies that thought. What I do know is that the journey, regardless of where it leads, will be grace-filled and that is something I want to pay attention to!