twelve years

Today marks 12 years since I said my last goodbye to this man. Time passes much too quickly sometimes.

Today I remember Grandpa...summers spent at the lake, storytelling, sleepovers at Grandma & Granpa's, basketball and volleyball games, ice cream treats, hunting & target shooting, pigeons, German gibberish rhymes, popcorn nights & Dateline.
Today I remember a man who modelled a life of Faith for me, a life of obedience, of peacekeeping and gentleness.

Today I remember a man who I loved more than words could ever say. 

pondering grace.

I have had opportunity over the past week to spend some time reflecting and in quiet. It has been welcomed admidst a season of chaos.

I had an assignment last week Wednesday to spend a couple hours reading through a chapter in a book called “Touch the World through Prayer” and then reflect. I gathered a large blanket, a full and potent cup of coffee and made my way into the backyard, journal, bible and pen in hand to soak up some Gretna sun!

I didn’t make it far into the chapter before I became incredibly captivated by the story of Moses in Exodus 33 and 34. The story is not unfamiliar, but as I sat on the grass asking God to awaken me to see and hear new things, I was drawn in to this beautiful story. In short, the story goes like this, Moses is on Mount Sinai and is meeting with God. He asks God if he might be able to see the Glory of God. The response Moses receives is not what he was hoping for. God places Moses in the cleft of a rock, covers his eyes until the Glory of the Lord passes him by and then allows Moses to take in what remains after the Glory passes. Moses is allowed to see the back of God.

“One cannot see the face of God and still live.”

To see God’s glory in partial was meant to be enough for Moses. Can you imagine what it must be like to take in the Glory of God in full? God’s glory, His power, His name, His authority is beyond what we can even imagine. Can we be satisfied in experiencing the presence of God only in part?

Sometimes I think I am fearful of experiencing God’s glory. In asking to see the Glory of God, there is responsibility that accompanies that request. Can I be obedient in what results and the responsibility that accompanies an encounter like that? Sometimes not. But we are invited to come. We are invited to approach the throne of God with confidence and with authority. Seeing the Glory of God should not ignite in us a spirit of fear, but rather stir in us a craving for more because we have yet to take in the glory and the presence of God in its fullness.

Unlike Moses, we have been invited to approach the throne of God because grace covers us. I find myself contemplating if I truly understand and know what it means to be clothed in the grace of Christ. Do I choose to walk confidently in the knowledge and in the power of grace?

The other day someone shared with me the story in Luke 7 about the unclean woman who washes the feet of Jesus with her tears.

I think what I love about this story  in Luke– or at least find intriguing about it – is that this woman chooses to act in boldness as she approaches the feet of Christ. There is a beautiful act of worship that is performed – it is intimate and done in a spirit of humility. Despite any choices this woman may have made in her life, the broken relationships and the emotional baggage that accompanies her, she does not shy away from approaching the throne of God. She does not let the sin in her life or the brokenness stop her from continuing to walk in the direction of Jesus. She boldly comes and Jesus commends her for the love that she has shown him. 

She then is invited to go –to live freely and to exhale peace.

Oh what it would mean to exhale peace - to breathe in the grace and love of Christ and breathe out peace. What a beautiful rhythm. To imagine that grace entering your body, giving life to each part, allowing that grace to sustain life. 

Grace breathes life.

I am challenged - challenged to approach the throne of God with confidence. Do I dare to come boldly? God longs for me to worship at his feet. I have been created to worship – invited to come as I am. I am invited to come confidently, but also in a spirit of humility. I am invited to bathe in the grace that Christ as I come. My heart craves to be in the presence of Christ – to take in the fullness of His Glory, to kneel at the feet of Jesus and worship the power and the glory that is His Name.

Glorious Sun

I have just returned from 5 glorious days in the sun. Myself and two friends took a somewhat spontaneous trip to Orlando, Florida to enjoy the warmth and sunshine (seeing as Winnipeg is lacking in the warmth department) and to get away for a few days of rest after a ridiculously busy winter.

After finding some stellar deals on flights and accommodations, we packed our bags and headed south! 

from 11am - 4pm every day this was our view.

The Downtown Disney & the Boardwalk

This little getaway was exactly what my body needed!

choosing thanks...

• mornings in bed watching movies and consuming coffee under warm covers.
• spontaneous hang outs with friends.
• hearing stories of transformation, bursting with excitement over coffee.
• sticky hands that accompany cookie making with my kiddos.
• paradise-like resorts.
• spontaneous getaways with lovely friends.
• the smell of fresh laundry.
• sister dates.
• a house of quietness and aloneness.
• worship that brings you to your knees.
• afternoon naps.

Feasting in Worship

It's Easter Sunday and I have made it to the cross. It's been quite the lenten journey, but today is a day where we truly feast. We celebrate and rejoice in the resurrection. We feast in Worship. 

*photo credit: SHL Media

For the past 10 days I have been living in a spiritually charged environment where I spent twice a day in worship with 300 students and leaders participating in MB Mission's SOAR Heartland program. As I entered the passion week, it seemed appropriate that my last lesson in feasting (at least for this lenten season) was learning and being challenged to feast in worship. I'm not talking about that "stand there and sing some praise and worship songs" kind of worship, but rather the "chill down your spine that sets the hairs on your arms standing" kind of worship that ushers you into a thin space with Jesus. 

There were moments throughout the week when I experienced this kind of worship - where there was intimacy and connectedness with Jesus. Him and I, we met in our meeting place, there was dancing and joy and even tears as I stood in His presence. But there were also moments during those time of worship where I found my head and heart completely distracted and unable to enter that thin space. It was frustrating - I wanted to go there and experience the intimacy, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't. There was a disconnect. But, as I considered what it meant to feast in worship, I realized that sometimes you need to go through the motions of worship even if your heart does not feel fully engaged because the Lord of all Heaven and earth is worthy to be praised. If I were only to worship when I "felt" like it, worship would be few and far between. We are asked to feast in worship despite all of the other stuff that consumes our life because that is what we have been called to and what we have been created to do.

This morning, amidst to the paska and easter eggs, I found myself worshipping at church and fully engaged, despite the exhaustion that has overtaken my body. I entered the throne room, worshipping in complete awe and reverence that the God who created all things sent his one and only Son to die on a cross so that I could live. I have been redeemed - the ugliness in my life and the sin that entangles my heart no longer have power. The curtain separating us from the holy of holies has been torn - the Spirit of God has been released and we have been given authority through the name of Jesus Christ! Because of the events that took place all those years ago, I am free to enter that throne room and worship my God. I am free to feast in worship.

"Now that we are set right with God by means of this sacrificial death, the consummate blood sacrifice, there is no longer a question of being at odds with God in any way. If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of his Son, now that we’re at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of his resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!"

~Romans 5:9-11

Christ has Risen!

feasting in care.

This lenten season has challenged me to feast. I am journeying to the cross wrestling with what it means to feast in uncertainty, to feast in thanksgiving, to feast in forgiveness and tonight, the word is to feast in care. This journey to the cross has not been a smooth, leisurely walk - it resembles much more like a stumbling mess, but no less full of grace.

In a season of busyness and unrest, care seems like just another thing to add to my never-ending "to-do list". The concept of caring for myself seems all well and good and it makes perfect sense, however, being able to put that concept into action is a whole other story. I'm 28 years old and I fail miserably not only at caring for myself, but also allowing others to care for me.

But if I were to spend some time sitting in the gospels, reading through the different accounts of Jesus' life, I'd probably notice that even Jesus took time out to both care for himself and to allow those around him care for him as well. 

Mark 1:35 - "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed."

We are still in the first chapter of Mark - the beginning of Jesus' ministry and he is already modelling what it means to experience a true filling of one's heart, mind and soul. In the midst of ministry and busy-ness, Jesus demonstrates his intentionality of taking a timeout to care for his physical, emotional and spiritual needs. Unfortunately, we don't always get the time and space we desire to spend with God as we see in the next verse. We discover Jesus' disciples, who are frantically searching for him, informing him of the crowd and "schedule" that awaits. The time of quiet and intimacy with God may have been short-lived, but nonetheless, there is a need for consistent and intentional communion with the Father in order to maintain a pace of life that enables us to do ministry well. Caring for ourselves enables us to posture ourselves in a spirit of steadiness. Feasting in care requires making space for solitude and taking on a posture of attentiveness to the voice of God, even in the midst of busyness.

Mark 14:3-10 - This particular snapshot of Christ's journey to the cross perks something in my heart each time I read it. There is an overwhelming beauty that draws me into this story and the relationship between Jesus and this woman of Bethany. She leaves her mark, not only on Jesus, but on "wherever the gospel is told". This unnamed woman of Bethany comes into the room where Jesus and his disciples are eating and breaks open an alabaster jar of expensive perfume over Jesus in preparation for burial. This jar of perfume represents an extravagance of giving something for another person - this jar of perfume would have cost her about a year's worth of wages or possibly even her inheritance. The cost was great. She recognized who and what Jesus was and lavished upon him such deep love despite the cost to her. Jesus, knowing exactly what this jar of perfume would have cost, does not turn away the woman's offering, but rather praises her for what she has done. Jesus soaks in the care offered to him. Feasting in care challenges us to take in the extravagance of the love and care that people extend to us. 

Mark 14:32-42 - The height of the passion week is almost upon us when we get to Gethsemane. Jesus knows full well the path that lays before him. The journey to the cross is far from easy, even for Jesus. Right from the beginning of Jesus' ministry, the concept of community and doing life with those around us has been key. Why should anything be different when life becomes overwhelmingly difficult? Knowing that the road ahead is not easy, Jesus invites Peter, James and John to come away with him, to pray with him and I'm thinking to pray for him as well. Jesus invites his community around him to care for him. Jesus chooses to bring others around him and into the hard stuff rather than choosing to walk the road alone. Unfortunately the disciples miss out on taking the opportunity to stand in the gap so-to-speak for Jesus by falling asleep, but that's a whole different story :) Feasting in care presents us with opportunity to bring people into the messiness and to learn what it means to do life with each other.

So, I continue my journey to the cross, taking in the extravagance of Christ's love and care for me as his child. O Lord, soften my heart to take in the depth of your love and the care of those in my life. 

a walk around town.

I got to spend the afternoon walking around the downtown area with the lovely Drew. 

We've been planning a day to walk around taking pictures for awhile now and today was the day! Combine photography with chai lattes, hot chocolate, baked goodies from Tall Grass Prairie and good conversation and you end up with a perfect afternoon.


Here are some of my favourites from the day.

so many questions.

Tonight, in my head, there are so many questions. There is so much brokenness. So much hurt.

of babies & date nights.

2 weeks ago my dear friend Jenn gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I was sorry to have been in Saskatoon when this sweet little girl was born, but being able to meet her when I got home was lovely. Enjoying coffee and catching up with Jenn on her couch all while holding a brand new baby was the perfect way to spend Friday afternoon. 
Meet Atlyn Blue. 

Grayson wanted in on the action too ;)

 On Christmas Day, I got a roommate.

Meet Rachael.

Rachael moved here from Abbotsford in December to come join our Central Canada team at MB Mission. It has been great having her here. The downside is that we don't hang out nearly enough and do fun things. Due to ridiculous schedules (mostly on my part), we have discovered that we actually have to schedule time to hang out. Friday night we deemed "Date Night".

No night out is complete without bellinis.

The night consisted of dinner out, the fastest, but probably most successful shopping trip while we killed time between dinner and a movie. We ended the night off by watching the new Nicholas Sparks movie, "Safe Haven". It truly was a date night.


Choosing thanks for...

- new life - the innocence and the perfection. Plus that new baby smell is pretty great :)
- a pretty awesome roommate.
- retail therapy. 
- coffee and conversations on the couch with a good friend.
- seeing the body of Christ come together to share a meal and support young girls who are excited to be a part of what God is doing in the core of Winnipeg and joining God in mission.
- the joy of baking.
- team days and musicals.

thanks.

• stories of transformation.
• rap concerts where we had the chance to bust out some new moves :)
• mountain top and valley experiences - God is in them both!
• much needed afternoon naps.
• the comfort of chai lattes.
• the anticipation of sleeping in my own bed again.
• laughing so hard that your jaw hurts.
• worship that ushers you in to a thin place of intimacy with Jesus.
• the joy being on team brings

Here is a little glimpse into our week at SOAR Saskatchewan.

Fresh IE Concert at City Centre Church. photo credit: SOAR SK Media team

photo credit: SOAR SK Media team

Worship. photo credit: SOAR SK Media team

Team meeting coffee at City Perks...best cup of coffee ever.